brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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