would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
