so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
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I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult