I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?