I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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