nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.