Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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