There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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