She's JV to your varsity
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
