problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
