Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
