Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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