I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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