I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
