so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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