my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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