How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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