So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
