She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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