I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i've created a new STD.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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