I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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