Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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