Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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