just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize