rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
