dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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