Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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