Rock
Scissors
Fuck
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
