this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
