I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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