I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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