What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
