Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
