What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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