I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
