Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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