Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
