Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
