$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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