I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
