Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
