Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
