You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
