we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
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Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just want to make out with him forever
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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