I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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