When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
