Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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