Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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