Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
