I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
