im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
