Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
