Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Shame - the story of my life.
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