I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize