Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
