Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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