normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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