Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
