with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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