The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
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Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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