Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize