dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
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She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
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And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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