please come you make the beer taste better
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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