this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
two words...techno handjob
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
