Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
