I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
