The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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