I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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