she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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