You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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