what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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