im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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