The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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