I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
