So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
