Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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