I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
